Fallen into Depravity

FALLEN INTO DEPRAVITY

I was here, I was there
I was here all alone with no one to hold
I was there at the point of my life when all of my peers lose hopes on me
It’s alright, no expectations, no draining emotions

“Go ahead. Kill yourself.” Said the demons inside my head
I wonder if they enjoy staying there?
What can they get from staying there?
Why don’t they come out so I can have company?

Cuts, bruises and pains
Those are my friends
Depression, stress and emotional disappointments
Those are my routines

I do not enjoy life
I certainly do not
What can I do?
Life is an unavoidable thing

If life is a human being
Maybe I already killed him
If life is a human being
Maybe he has been hated by everyone

Life is unfair
Life is cruel
Life is chaos
Life is useless

“Live for yourself. Help yourself.”
I can’t live for myself only
If I do,
Certainly I would be dead by now

I want to disappear from this world
I want to die
I want to know who will cry for me when I am gone
Then I’ll be nagging them why they don’t show it when I’m still alive

No one will care for you
No one will understand you
They are not you
They are not wearing your shoes

I always convince myself
“It will be okay, not now but eventually. "
But even my way of thinking changes
“Will I still be okay? Can I be happy again, genuinely?”

“You’re so sensitive. Just like that, you'll give up?”
Said by my friends
It’s easy for them to say that
Again, they are not wearing the same shoes that I am wearing

When mind and soul were polluted
People change
When mind and soul give up
People die

“Hello darkness, my old and last friend.”
Chaos, pains, stress, welcome to my life.
“Hello depression, we’ve met again.”
Sleepless nights, I’ve missed you.

I do not care anymore
I don’t care of how they will think about me
I don’t care too.
I don’t care for myself, it’s even fair.

People come and go
They will be staying in your life
but eventually leaves,
that’s how life is.

People will make you feel you’re important
“You matter, you always matter.”
You’ll gain hope from them
but falls harder because they also leave.

Dear Life,
Don’t try ruining me
I'm already ruined, you know?
What else do you want?

Maybe life wants my existence?
Should I give it up?
Will there be crying in agony when I was gone?
Of course because you’re dead.

You’re the most important and loved people when you’re dead
Depravity is kind
Don’t hate it.
They’re the only one who stay.