VERSION 2.0
Electricity, just like any good friend, won't always be there by your side. During a thunderstorm, typhoon or a regular maintenance routine done by your area's power corporation, something horrible can happen, unexpectedly.
Picture this, the lights go off, the electric fan stops revolving and the noise from your neighbor's karaoke machine ends with a quick shrick, sort of like a sign that something has come to an end. Darkness. Loneliness. Grief. Longingness. Do I deserve all of this???
On the day after the election on the 5th month of the Roman calendar in the year of the Dragon, I was born in a country that was colonized by three foreigners. My first name was named after the role of Claudine Barreto in Mula sa Puso and my second name was named after the 5th month of the year, but don't think that I'm beautiful as Claudine cause I'm not. My parents were a hardworking couple who specializes their parenting skills and make babies eight times in their 35 years of being together. I grew up in a home where tender loving care was the best ingredient. With Dora the Explorer, I learned how to count numbers, identify colors, distinguish the shapes and speak Spanish language like Gracias. I'm also afraid with jackfruit for it's so big unlike apple and grapes which are my favorite. In also fond of the songs of Marco Sison which makes me sleep automatically. I entered Kindergarten when I was 4 and that's the time when I got my first medal of being 2nd honor. In elementary, my favorite day was Monday for I can wear my green uniform and state the Panunumpa sa Watawat ng Pilipinas during the flag ceremony. May 29, 2010 was the day that I felt that my life will start to be miserable. That's the time when my right leg was fractured that caused me to be lame and strained and use a sling and just have self-study at home. Ididn't stop studying. I do all our assignments and projects and study what they had studied. One month after, I can't take it anymore that's why my parents and I decided to go back in school eventhough I can't walk with my sling. What I thought was that I'll be bullied because of my disability but God is so good that He didn't let that happen. Actually, I was assisted by my friends who took care of me when I'm at school and also my father who carries me when we need to transfer another room. As a 10 year old child, I was expected to feel ashamed about what was happening to me like having this kind of disability and always having my parents even at school. But I acted in the other way because I'm so proud and lucky to have them as my parents for they didn't forget to give the best for me as their daughter. Through that, I became too attached to them like I'm their shadow who was always there next to them. In this part of my life, I still gained 6 medals for being the 2nd honor from Grade 1-2, 4th honor from Grade 3-4 and 2nd honor from Grade 5-6. Well, that's the only way to pay for the hardworks of my parents as a child.
When I stepped highschool, it was the most exciting and miserable part of my life. Having crushes, love team ups, courtship were the things that could make a girl really giggle and feel excitement. But it was also the miserable part of my life. My parents became overprotective given that I'm their youngest child, my bones were once fractured and I'm a girl to keep. I was imprisoned with their rules. I didn't experience any party, any school trip, any outing because my parents didn't want me to go for they have this trauma of losing a child cause my 2 brothers were died due to dengue and bumping accident when they're just a child. I lose my social life. As an early adolescent, I felt that I'm spelled to have them as my parents.
Year 2012, my loving father died because of goiter. He's the best father for he never forget to do his best as the provider of the family and our knight in shining armor. From that moment, my mom became lonely for she's so dependent with my dad. She really love my father so much for I witnessed their love for each other. I can say that it really hurts for my mom cause I always saw her crying, hugging my dad's pillow then pretending that she's okay when we were around.
Year 2013, my eldest sister passed away. She was confined because she was detected that she has a lump in her womb. She's pregnant that time in her 4th baby. She was operated even if she's pregnant and the doctor still left the baby inside her womb. One day after, we received a call from her husband that she's about to born the baby. We said to the doctor to do it in ceasarian way because she was only operated yesterday but little we do not know that the doctor still pushed for normal delivery maybe because she knew that we cannot afford for ceasarian. Thats why my sister bleeds and the baby was born dead. Just for money, they managed to kill my sister and her baby. Great hospital, right? Well, that's how money runs the world. That was another burden and pain for my mother and our family. Last year was my father and now was my sister and her baby. My mom can't take it anymore. Maybe the saying "you can lose a husband but not a child" was true because that's what I saw with my mom. She's so depressed to let herself be eaten by sadness and chose to be emotionally dead even she's still physically present.
Year 2014, I'm now at my 4th year in highschool. I still managed to study even there's a lot of challenges we've faced. I always come to school whether I have money or not, even if I only have 20 pesos that could only afford the transportation fee. From all those challenges, I started to be the slave of our own family. I do all the household chores that's not my work before. My mom always wakes me up through her shout as early as 4:00 am just to cook for the breakfast, clean the house, wash the dishes before coming to school. When I get home, I will cook for dinner, clean the house and wash our clothes. I'm doing those things cause she's not capable to do it for she can't move normally because of her legs affected by her diabetes. I was about to give up back then, leave my family but as a 14 year old and as a girl who was grown up with loving parents, I still chose to stay and face the challenges. April 2015 was my graduation day. All I wished was to walk with my mom and hook my medal to me but she just send my Auntie cause she's not able to walk that far anymore. I'm so sad that time because I used to have her especially when recognition and graduation day. After the graduation when I get home, I was surprised that my siblings were all there and there's a pancit at the table which is my favorite. My mom also gave me a box containing a blue cellphone as her gift. When opened it, I cried a river while reading her message that she loves me so much and she's proud of me. That moment, I realized how hurt it was for her that's why starting from that day, I did my best to make her feel my love and understanding in her situation. Time passes by, I heard a terrifying sound from the bathroom that made me run so fast and panicked especially when I saw my mom lying on the floor. She was attacked by stroke that made her confined at the hospital. Things were never easy when she's sick. I was the one assigned to fed her, taking care of her, removing her feces and taking bath of her. But there's this unexpected day when she stops breathing and give her life up. That day, I was broken into scattered pieces that no tries can fix me anymore. Why did she also left me? I lose my life. I lose my dream. I became nothing. Months after, my uncle also died. Just two months after my mom's death to be exact.
Year 2016, my sister pushed me to go back in school and study college so I can make my dream come true. I agreed and chose the program Education cause since then, I wanted to be a teacher and also, this is what my parents want me to be. I became an academic scholar that made my family so proud for they didn't need to provide 10,000 pesos for my tuituon fee anymore.
Year 2017, my grandmother, who also have a lot of dreams for me, also died. She's the best grandma for me cause she never failed to make us feel important especially to me as her favorite grandchild. That made me heartbroken again and started to question God for all the challengea I'm facing. Why God? Why me?
Year 2018, in my 3rd year in college, my Auntie, my mother's sibling who was sent to me in my graduation, also died due to kidney cancer. She's also a big part of me for she became our second mother when my mother died. My heart was broken again into smaller pieces. Two weeks after, my uncle, my father's brother, also died. Again, the smaller pieces of my heart were cut into much smaller pieces that no one can fix anymore. Seeing them wearing white dresses, lying in white boxes, entering white house which will be colored white every year made me really broken. From all those happenings in life, I tend to ask God what did I do to have all of those challenges at a very young age that it made me realized that people are really like an electricity, they are not always there to give us the power. They can turn off our lights and they can stop our world from revolving. But as time goes by, I realized tha it's natural to be born and die, maybe God just want me to be strong and be a matured person so I can inspire others and help those depressed people with same experiences as mine.
As of now, I'm getting nearer on my dreams, still an academic scholar, running for Magna Cum Laude, but still longing for their loss for they became a part of my heart and made me who I am today. It's just sad tha they're not here anymore to witness my achievements and be proud of me in every thing that I do. But that's life, so I need to bear with it and accept everything for they became my inspiration, my motivation and my reason on keeping myself going, sparkling and shining. By the way, I am Via Mae Paras Villanueva, a daughter of Eduardo and Amalia, 18 years of age who once lost her power but still managed to rise and be empowered again.
Well, wecome to my life as Via, the version 2.0.
