Sa Pagitan ng Langit at Lupa

SA PAGITAN NG LANGIT AT LUPA

Sisimulan ko ang tulang ito sa pagpikit
Pagpikit kasabay ng pagtingin sa langit
Langit na nagbibigay-buhay sa puso kong mapait
Mapait ngunit walang galit
Mapait dahil sa sakit

Sa aking pagtingin sa malawak at madilim na kalangitan
Akin na namang naalala ang ating nakaraan
Nakaraang hindi ko malimut-limutan
Kung paano mo ko ginabayan, pinagalitan, dinamayan, inalagaan
At kung paano mo ginawa ang lahat para sa aking kinabukasan

Naaalala mo pa ba?
Naaalala mo pa ba ang pinagsamahan nating dalawa na ngayo'y isa na lamang alaala?
Naalala mo pa ba na ikaw ang lagi kong kasama?
Sa unang iyak, unang ngiti, unang tawa, unang sipa, unang halakhak, unang palakpak, unang gapang, unang hakbang, unang tayo, unang dapa, unang sulat, unang basa
At sa lahat pa ng una ikaw ang aking kasama
Naalala ko pa noong ako'y magwala ng hindi mo ako binili ng manika
Naalala ko pa kung paano mo ako paghigpitan, pagalitan, pagbawalan, sabunutan
Oo! Ako'y iyong sinaktan pagka't ang ulo ko'y may katigasan
Naalala ko pa kung pano tayo nagsigawan at ng dahil sa galit ay aking nasambit na "MAMATAY KA NA! DI NAMAN KITA KAILANGAN!"
Naalala ko pa kung pano mo ako sinuportahan
Na sa kabila ng lahat ng kasalanan, kataksilan, kasamaan, kahibangan at kagagahan
Ika'y nanatiling nariyan at di ako sinukuan
Naalala ko pa kung paano mo ko inasikaso nang mabalian ako
Naalala ko pa ang sakit na dulot ko sayo bilang anak mo
Naalala ko pa ang tamis ng halik mo sa tuwing papasok na ako
Naalala ko pa ang abot tengang ngiti mo sa tuwing aakyat tayo ng entablado para kuhanin ang medalya ko
Naalala ko pa ang paraan ng panggigising mo tuwing kaarawan ko
Ginigising mo ako sa pamamagitan nang masiglang pagkanta mo
Na kahit wala kang regalo sa mismong kapanganakan ko
Segu-segundo mo namang alay ang da best na regalo
Ang regalong di mapapantayan ng kahit na ano o ng kahit na sino
Regalong di ko pagsasawaang tanggapin mula sayo
Ang da best na regalo.
Ang pagmamahal mo
Ang pagmamahal mong walang kapantay rito sa mundo
Ang pagmamahal mo
Ang pagmamahal mong hindi ko alam kung nasuklian ko
Ang pagmamahal mo
Ang pagmamahal mong di ko alam kung napadama ko ba sayo nang ikaw pa'y naririto
Ang pagmamahal mo na ngayon ko lang napagtanto
Ngayon ko lang natanong ang sarili ko, naging karapat-dapat ba kong maging anak mo?
Gusto kong humiling!
Gusto kong galugarin ang buong daigdig, hanapin ang makapangyarihang balon at doon ay humiling
Gusto kong humiling!
Gusto kong lakbayin ang buong kalawakan upang makita ang mabilis na bituin nang sa kanya'y makahiling
Gusto kong humiling!
Gusto kong agawin ang lampara ni Aladin at agad iyong kaskasin upang sa genie'y makahiling
Gusto kong humiling!
Gusto kong akyatin ang hagdan patungong langit, hanapin ang ama at sa kanya'y humiling
Gusto kong humiling!
Akin lamang na hihilingin na sana...
Sana'y muli kitang makapiling
Gusto ko ng maulit ang nakaraang patuloy pa ring nangingibabaw
Gusto kong muling marinig ang lakas ng iyong mga sigaw
Gusto kong muling maramdaman ang iyong mga yakap na para bang sa aki'y may aagaw
Muling makita ang iyong mga ngiting nakakatunaw
Muling malasahan ang luto mong umaalingasaw
Muling maranasan ang maalagaan, magabayan at mahalin na para bang di ka papanaw
Ayoko na kasi na puro na lang ako tanaw
Na akala mo naman ay sisilip ka sa langit na para bang araw
Puro tanaw na lang sa kalangitan
Na tila ba naroon ang kasagutan
Kasagutan sa lungkot, sakit at pangungulila kong nararamdaman
Naramdaman mula ng ika'y lumisan at ako'y iyong iwanan.
Naalala ko pa ang higpit ng hawak ko sayong mga kamay
Kasabay ng pagluwag ng kapit mo at pagbitaw mo saking kamay
Naalala ko pa ang matatamis na ngiti mo
Kasabay ng unti-unting pagtabang nito dahil iiwan mo na pala ako
Naalala ko pa ang mga salitang binanggit mo na "Via, mahal kita anak ko."
Kamustahin mo naman ako!
Tingnan mo naman kung ano ng nararamdaman ko!
Nalulungkot ako.
Nasasaktan ako at nangungulila na sa inyo.
Patawad. Huli ko ng napagtanto.
Patawad. Kailangan ko pala kayo!
Patawad. Nagsisisi na ko!
Patawad. Bumalik ka na sa tabi ko.
Sigawan mo ako! Pagalitan. Paghigpitan. Wala na kong pakealam sa sandamakmak na mga batas mo.
Basta bumalik ka lang, bumalik ka lang sa piling ko.
Pangako. Babawi ako.

Ako'y mananatiling nakapikit.
Nakapikit at humihiling sa langit
Na sana sa aking pagmulat, ang lahat ng ito'y panaginip
Mula sa lupa patungo sa langit
Ako ay hihiling at walang sawang pipikit
Pipikit at hihiling sa langit
Na sana lahat ng sakit ay panaginip.
Tatapusin ko na ang tulang ito
Sa pamamagitan ng pasasalamat at paghingi ng tawad sayo
Tatapusin ko ang tulang ito
Sa pamamagitan ng muling paghakbang at pagsabay sa lakad ng buhay ko

Tatapusin ko ang tulang ito
Sa pamamagitan ng isang pangangako sayo
Na malayo man ang agwat ng langit na kinabibilangan mo at ng lupang tinatapakan ko
Di ako magsasawang iparating ang pagmamahal ko sayo
Ang pagmamahal ko na kasinglaki ng agwat ng langit mo at ng lupa ko
Kaya sana'y narinig mo ang tula kong ito na para sayo.
Patawad. Salamat. Mahal na mahal kita, mama ko.

My Karamia Girl

MY KARAMIA GIRL 

Great but somehow fake

Talking everyday like we're really okay

Pretty face but makes no chase

I'm worrying, really worrying. 

Cause she's a double- sided tape

Uses stockings to escape

Uses masks and make ups

Also uses deodorants.

Yes, she have this odor

That no one can really adore

For she keeps on pretending

Let's give her a clap for being "balimbing"

For all the stories she create

For all the bad thoughts that I hate

Well, there's nothing I can do

Cause that's the personality of you. 

I can't take it anymore

For now, I don't know what to do

She's getting worse, hoping not to be the worst

Cause she'd been my friend, even she's a hose.

I didn't see any good

To be someone you really not

Just to be friends with others

Whose not a good influence.

But I'll just keep quiet

I'll keep mouth silent

Eventhough I knew everything

I'll just keep on going and continue dreaming.

I know someday you'll be falling

Someday, you'll be crashing

But you cannot use me anymore

Even those stockings, masks, makeups and deodorants... Not anymore.

Perfectly Imperfect

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT 

The day I met him was the day I felt that feeling again

The feeling that brought me joy but also drove me insane 

Just one glance at his smile and face makes my heart beats faster 

Especially when we both fell in love with each other

Months went by, a brawny storm attacked us with his big eyes

Cause I have caused him pain that made him turn into cold ice

Trust issues got started causes us to fight every night 

Until he became my foe instead of beloved knight

The tears keep flowing, thinking it would never be okay

Silent cries and deep sighs are all I can do all day  

Forgive me for the pain I have caused and my selfish ways

Forgive me for all the hardships and ruining your days

Maybe we stumble across our words and fail at times

Maybe we forget our promises and do its other sides 

Just place your hand on my chest and feel the beat of my heart

For you to remember the love we have formed from the start

All these imperfections and struggles we had faced together

Are what keeps our heart connected and our love stronger 

Because what is love without its little rain and defect

So hold on, for that's the real love, perfectly imperfect. 

Fallen into Depravity

FALLEN INTO DEPRAVITY

I was here, I was there
I was here all alone with no one to hold
I was there at the point of my life when all of my peers lose hopes on me
It’s alright, no expectations, no draining emotions

“Go ahead. Kill yourself.” Said the demons inside my head
I wonder if they enjoy staying there?
What can they get from staying there?
Why don’t they come out so I can have company?

Cuts, bruises and pains
Those are my friends
Depression, stress and emotional disappointments
Those are my routines

I do not enjoy life
I certainly do not
What can I do?
Life is an unavoidable thing

If life is a human being
Maybe I already killed him
If life is a human being
Maybe he has been hated by everyone

Life is unfair
Life is cruel
Life is chaos
Life is useless

“Live for yourself. Help yourself.”
I can’t live for myself only
If I do,
Certainly I would be dead by now

I want to disappear from this world
I want to die
I want to know who will cry for me when I am gone
Then I’ll be nagging them why they don’t show it when I’m still alive

No one will care for you
No one will understand you
They are not you
They are not wearing your shoes

I always convince myself
“It will be okay, not now but eventually. "
But even my way of thinking changes
“Will I still be okay? Can I be happy again, genuinely?”

“You’re so sensitive. Just like that, you'll give up?”
Said by my friends
It’s easy for them to say that
Again, they are not wearing the same shoes that I am wearing

When mind and soul were polluted
People change
When mind and soul give up
People die

“Hello darkness, my old and last friend.”
Chaos, pains, stress, welcome to my life.
“Hello depression, we’ve met again.”
Sleepless nights, I’ve missed you.

I do not care anymore
I don’t care of how they will think about me
I don’t care too.
I don’t care for myself, it’s even fair.

People come and go
They will be staying in your life
but eventually leaves,
that’s how life is.

People will make you feel you’re important
“You matter, you always matter.”
You’ll gain hope from them
but falls harder because they also leave.

Dear Life,
Don’t try ruining me
I'm already ruined, you know?
What else do you want?

Maybe life wants my existence?
Should I give it up?
Will there be crying in agony when I was gone?
Of course because you’re dead.

You’re the most important and loved people when you’re dead
Depravity is kind
Don’t hate it.
They’re the only one who stay.

Nothing's True

NOTHING'S TRUE

Nothing makes sense

What is this place?

Voices over head

Running in circles

Falling in knees

Open your eyes and wake up

The dream was done, nothing's true

You made it girl, you made it! 

Don't lose your head

In everything that it said 

Just start all over

Don't mind or you'll be dead 

Close your eyes and try to sleep 

Hope for a chance of dreamless night

Even nothing was true, I know you're bothered 

But keep on trying all over 

Just do it, just do. 

Gone but Never Forgotten

GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN 

From Snow to Coffee 

So brown and furry 

So sweet and naughty

She's my puppy, my first baby. 

She wakes me late at night

Like she has all the right

She cries like she losed the fight 

Just for me to hug her tight. 

I'm not a pet lover before

But Coffee broke the door

She made me love her more

Pet hater? Not anymore. 

Her great big tongue that licks my face 

Her great sweet barks that complete my days

We're all disappeared when three witches came 

And poisoned my loving baby like there's a game. 

Many times I called her name

To lick my face and run at me

Ease my pain, my dearest Coffee 

Please Coffee, come back to me. 

Just one last touch, one last glance

One last bark, one last dance

Please Coffee, wake up and stand

Or else I'll get my wand. 

I know that you can see me

Trust me, I'm always here

Although you're now in heaven

My love for you stays here. 

Light in Darkness

LIGHT IN DARKNESS

Have you experience living in darkness? How's life without light? Lonely? Well, yeah, it hurts.

There's this girl with her light at her side all the times. She keeps on holding her light because she's so afraid to be in the dark especially when no one was around. But someone took her light away and bring it to a very far place where in she could never have her light again. By that, she started living in darkness, feeling lonely and alone. All she wishes every second was to have her light back. But it did not happened. It will never happened. That's why she started to think that her life will be worthless. She's now in the moment where in she's regretting every chances and opportunities she wasted to spend and be happy with her light. She keepa on begging that someone who took her light by asking for a second chance to wish all the things she never had just to let her light know how much she loved and cared. She wants to hug her tight and tell her that she's her shining light. But again, it will never happen again. She had her legos. These legos of her keep on telling her to keep on going and keep the lights on because life should be continued for it is a gift that should be treasure. Also, there's this Superman to heal her heart and save her from pain. From that moment, she started to keep on the positive side of life and always reminding herself that life should go on even without her light. Cause she have her legos. She have Superman. That's why she's now focusing on her dream and working on the path she had chosen wherein she can be an instrument of his Superman and be someone's sharpener,eraser, pencil, handkerchief, chair and compass. Sharpener to give more hope in life when someone is giving up. Eraser to erase the negativity, longingness, loneliness of someone. Pencil to write a new page of their life. Handkerchief to shed their tears. Chair to be their comfort zone when they felt tired. Compass to guide them to the right path. Yes, she's now on her way, sparkling like glitter and shining like diamond.

Before I end, let me introduce that "she". Well, that "she" is me, that "light" is my mom, that "legos" are my siblings and that "Superman" is my savior.

Again, that "she" is me, saying that someday, there will be a point in someone's life that we may stumble and fall, be at darkness, have rough times, but there will be always a light to lift us up and fix us from pain. All we need is to trust in Him and live according to His will. So, go and find your light, live with Superman, then start to sparkle and shine altogether! Even in darkness.

He is the Master

HE IS THE MASTER 

The story of Harry Bates entitled "Farewell to the Master" is kind-of-a-metaphor about heavenly beings visiting the ignorant and imperfect world of man. As what as I understand in the story, Gnut, the robot in the story, never seems to waste a motion where in he can move with surprising speed when he wants to or do it in surprising slow. He also do something during night when no one could see. He has great powers unlike human. Through these observations, I concluded that maybe Harry Bates is comparing Gnut to our God because like Gnut, God never waste time, he's always weighing the prayers of His children whether to answer it now, sooner or maybe some other day, weeks, months, or even years. Sometimes, God is not answering our prayers the time we asked for it. He always have His greatest timing. Also, like Gnut, people do not see the ways of our Lord or His movement in our lives that's why most of the times, He is silently moving. Of course, He has great powers because like what Gnut said in the last part of the story, "I am the Master.", meaning God will always be our one and only master.